RandyJohnson.org

Life

The Blog Is Back

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I’m not sure where to start or what to say, but I’m back to publishing publicly.

I write privately basically every single day. Whether it’s with pen and paper, in my Notes app on my iPhone, using one of my 50+ year old typewriters, or just having long text/email/social media conversations with friends/family/clients.

Regardless of the platform or medium:

  • I write a lot.

  • I consider myself a writer.

  • A lot of my time is spent writing or writing ideas.

  • Several people that I’m a fan of are writers/authors.

  • Writing feels like the most freeing form of creation for me.

Over the years, I have made a lot of my writing public:

  • So many Instagram posts with long written captions.

  • Plenty of Facebook posts.

  • The occasional blog post across various websites.

But I want to do more.

So here I am doing more.

There’s no reason I can’t create one blog post per week, but I honestly have enough time (or I can make the time) to write something here daily.

I’m not sure what schedule I’ll stick to just yet, but I am back to doing this, consistently. Because keeping my notes and thoughts and ideas and knowledge to myself is doing the world a disservice.

“Don’t die with your music still inside you.”
-Wayne Dyer

Owning a Big House Used to Make Me Happy

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I looked at 75 houses before I signed my life away. I’m pretty sure my realtor hated me, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to take one of the biggest purchases of my life lightly.

Back in 2009, I can’t even remember what my mindset was even like, or what was going through my head. Did I really want to move out of my mom’s house? I’m not sure.

I turned 27 that year, in August. This was probably about the time I was deep into the house hunting game.

There was a girlfriend in the picture then, so part of my decision making was taking into account what she would want too.

But I remember being selfish then. I probably still am to some degree. I think we all are.

I wanted a lot of garage space, so I could build trucks with my friends. Even though I’m not mechanically-inclined, like my dad and my friends. We all tell ourselves lies from time to time.

We both wanted a lot of space to entertain our family and friends. That meant so much to me at that time.

Maybe because I felt like I had very few friends in school, and I carried that with me for years. Until I discovered alcohol, but that’s another story for another day.

We’d party with our friends all the time, but there was never a specific house to party at. I wanted our house to be that house. And it was for a couple years.

Anyways, the house that I ended up purchasing (my name was the only name on the mortgage and always was, and that pissed off a couple girlfriends), I walked through it on the first day that I went looking at houses.

Then I looked at 74 more houses. Then I came back to this house. Something about it just made sense. I think we both liked it. At least I did. I think I did.

After getting everyone’s opinions on it, because I still struggle at making decisions on my own, it was time to sign a million papers.

It was a week before Halloween, and I still remember getting the keys, and being so excited to park my truck in my own garage. I still have the photo, and it’s somewhat nostalgic when I look at it.

I knew the house needed some updates here and there, and we were cool with that. Right away, I rented all the equipment to resurface the hardwood floors in the entire house. Over 2,000 square feet of hardwood floors. I still have zero idea where the motivation came to take on that project. I always looked at those shiny wood floors, shook my head, and asked myself, “Did I really do all of this work? Me? Couldn’t have. Randy wouldn’t have taken on a project like this.” But I did. And it was an amazing feeling once I finished.

The rest of 2009, all of 2010, and most of 2011, those years were filled with parties, decorations, parties, yardwork, more parties, and not much else. I never took on anymore big projects, other than having family or friends paint, or do basic things like put a microwave on the counter and change light bulbs.

Life wasn’t always easy, but it was simple. Looking back, it kind of felt like it was on cruise control for the most part.

We were just doing the normal things you do when you’re in a relationship. I still remember a comment she made at one point. Something about this being a great starter home and how it would be nice to get something bigger down the road.

I’m not sure why that comment always stood out to me. Even a decade later. Maybe because I consider myself more of a minimalist these days than I did back then.

It could also have been the fact that most women want to settle down and have kids one day. I’m sure that was on her mind at times.

I’ve always been someone that doesn’t want kids. But some of my friends were having kids, and even one of my sisters had a kid at this point. I guess it wasn’t totally out of the question at that point.

So I probably thought, if I did have a kid, this house was big enough for a family for sure. But I still didn’t want a kid, and if you’ve ever dated me, you’re well aware of that.

After dating for about 3.5 years, and living in the house for almost 2 years, I felt like it was time to ask her the question.

I don’t even know if I ever saw myself actually getting married. It wasn’t something that I really thought about, and I think most guys put it in the back of their minds. But their significant other, and her family and friends, will bring it up often, so there’s no escaping it.

But honestly, being engaged was fine. It just seemed like the next logical thing to do I guess. I mean, that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

Graduate high school, go to college, get a good job, find a girlfriend, buy a big house with a white picket fence, get married, have 2.5 kids, and keep up with the Joneses until you die one day.

I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing up until this point. I was just going down the path that most people go down, we were all following the American script.

And then, at the end of 2011, after being engaged for about 4 months, it was over. She ended it.

It was a shock to me. I still remember a lot of details about this day. It was the day after Thanksgiving. It was truly a Black Friday.

What I remember even more vividly was picking her up to grab some food a week or so after this. We went to Chipotle.

I still remember the table we sat at, and how I was thinking that we were going to get back together and everything would work out.

But that wasn’t the case. This was actually just a meeting. A meeting where she’d hand me the engagement ring back.

I wasn’t prepared for that. I remember immediately getting up and going to the bathroom. I was in there for a bit. I cried. I knew it was over for good. I also thought, how am I ever going to eat here without thinking about this moment.

I walked back to the table and said let’s go. I threw my food away. I think I only took a couple bites. You know it’s a bad day when I throw Chipotle away.

Once I was back home, alone, I realized that I now had this giant house to myself. My first thought was to sell it, but I just got busy with other things. A big part of me wishes I would have sold it at that point and got an apartment, or moved in with a friend, or moved back with one of my parents.

But when I signed the papers to buy this house, I made sure that I could still afford it, even if I was on my own. So I think part of me had to prove to others and myself that I could still do it.

Money was obviously tighter, but at least I had a job.

But then in early 2012 (February 17th to be exact), I randomly lost that job. Fuck. Another story for another time.

Fast forward to today, April 2020. I sold this house on March 6, 2018. I lived there for almost nine years. That was roughly 25% of my life. It was a pretty big deal.

Currently I’m renting a room from my friend in this huge industrial place downtown. I’ve been doing that for the past 2 years. It’s been a great experience, I’ve saved money compared to what it was costing to “own” my house, and it was the pattern interruption that I needed.

For the last few years that I had that house, I was single. Same with the first year living downtown. It’s been almost a year since I met my girlfriend, and I stay at her house a lot, which is in the fancy suburbs not far away from my place.

As a pretty frugal person, I’m always looking at ways to save money, cut monthly expenses, and get rid of the excess. So if I’m staying in one place a lot more now, and that situation is working well, plus I’m paying for rent for a bedroom that I’m not staying in that often, I think financially it makes sense to move on.

Plus after a couple years, I feel like I’m ready to break the pattern again.

So at some point this year, I’ll likely be moving out of my current shared space, and moving in to another shared space. It will be smaller, it will have a bit more privacy, it will cut my living expenses in half, and it might just be the change that I need in this chapter of my life.

It’s funny, for so long I would laugh at people that said they needed to live in a certain city or climate or type of property. I thought they were just making excuses. Like “I can’t get anything done living in Dayton, Ohio. I need to live in Los Angeles. I NEED to.” Now, I think I get it.

Your environment matters so damn much, and I never would have said that phrase back in the day. All of your environments matter. Where you sleep, who you surround yourself with, your workspace, etc. While I love my friend, and I love the modern space downtown we call home, and I love the creative vibes that are flowing in and around there almost daily… I think this environment doesn’t work for me with who I am at this current moment.

It’s weird, I know. The creative person doesn’t want to live in a big creative space. How odd.

I’m very introverted (INFJ from my research) and I crave solitude. I think I was way more productive when I had my old house because it was just me living there, and my environment was setup in a way that was pretty efficient and had less distractions.

If I move in with my girlfriend and her kid, will that be the perfect environment? Probably not. But I think with our schedules, it will work out pretty well. (If you’ve followed me for awhile, you know I don’t want kids. I’ve tried dating/living with someone else that had a kid, and that didn’t work out at all. But I think this situation is insanely different. And again, if I try this, and it doesn’t work out, I can always get my own place somewhere else. There are always options, you never have to be locked into something.)

I’ve downsized a lot over the years, and especially after I sold my house. I’m currently selling a lot of stuff that I never use, to remove the clutter, but also to pay off debt. I like simplifying. It’s one piece of advice that I give everyone, regardless of their situation. Simplify simplify simplify.

Plus, with the virus shit that’s still going on, making smarter financial decisions should be most people’s top priority, right after keeping themselves and their family alive.

I still have my cargo van and my small enclosed trailer. If I got rid of everything I don’t need or want anymore, everything I own can fit inside of those two spaces. I will sell my old car soon, as I rarely drive it anymore, and I’d rather have the cash instead of a paperweight (sorry Subaru, I still love you).

I still consider getting a small motorhome. Something inexpensive that has a dinette area (so I can sit there and work on my laptop), a bed, and a basic cooking area. A full bathroom would be nice, but isn’t as mandatory as the work area. If I’m living with my girlfriend, and I need more alone space at times, I could jump in the RV in the driveway or hit the road if I need to really get away. But I think I can make some changes in my current van to make this work, that way I don’t spend $4,000-$10,000 on a rig when that money should go towards debt and savings and Chipotle.

I have no idea what the perfect scenario looks like. None of us do. We have ideas and opinions, but it will never be 100% perfect anyway. All you can do is try something new when you notice yourself in a funk. I’ve been in a funk for awhile, and that’s why I need to make a change.

New habits, new ideas, new environment.

Quarantine Life

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I guess it’s been about a month since the quarantine started.

But I don’t think that term really makes sense. Quarantine. It sounds like you are thrown into the hole in prison. No contact with anyone, no sunlight, nothing to keep you busy… nothing but silence.

In reality, this period of isolation seems like a mild spring break vacation for a lot of people. We can come and go as we please.

I’ve been to the grocery about 5 times, I’ve been outside walking and running, I’ve been to a few different houses, I can drive wherever, and I see a ton of people out and about like nothing is different.

Luckily, my life is pretty much the same as usual, except for all of the truck shows being canceled, and this is probably the longest stretch of time in my adult life that I’ve gone without eating food from a restaurant. March 12 was the last time I ate at a restaurant, and March 11 was the last time I had Chipotle. If you know me, you know this is unheard of. I just don’t want to take the risk of getting sick just because I wanted the convenience of fast food. I guess it’s a good thing that I like simple meals that I can easily make at home, plus my girlfriend also enjoys cooking, so skipping restaurants for the time being isn’t a big deal for us.

This is also a great time to test your willpower. To abstain from something you’ve done so much in your life. Chipotle is one of those things for me. It’s funny how it’s just a restaurant, but it’s always been more to me than that. A place where I celebrate the good times, a place where I go to soak up the sad times, a place of familiarity when I travel to new places, and a place to share stories with others. So yes, I miss Chipotle, but I’ll have it again soon.

As far as work goes, I’ve been in the same funk for a couple years now. And this quarantine is no different. I still get work done. I have finished many projects over the past couple years, but I’ve been distracted way too much to stay consistent with things. Even this writing. I say I’m going to write every day, even if it’s just 15 minutes. But I usually write about my day in my pocket journal, which is fine. But I keep saying I’d rather publish more public things. But I never do it. So here I am, trying to do what I say.

I try to plan everything out, but that usually gets me nowhere real fast. I love writing, but I seem to only do it on social media, mainly Instagram. Nothing wrong with that, but why wouldn’t I write it here instead? This blog is indexed by Google and other search engines, plus it’s way easier to organize my thoughts on my own website instead of through social media. For example, if I wanted to find all of the posts I made about Chipotle on Facebook, that would be nearly impossible. But I could tag every Chipotle post on my blog with the “chipotle” tag, and instantly find them all.

It’s funny how I usually know what to do, I just don’t always do it.

I’ve taken on several website jobs, then procrastinated until the client asks what’s going on. I’ve setup pre-orders for things and didn’t deliver them on time, or at all (trust me, I’m going to finish that merch course). I’ve started reading new books, then drifted into other books, resulting in a stack of half-finished books. I go through my room and throw everything I don’t want anymore in a huge pile, super motivated to get rid of it all right then, then it just sits there for months collecting dust.

I write in my journal almost daily about how I need to do more podcasts, write more blog posts, do more online courses, shoot more photos, start a YouTube channel, finally give this Tik Tok thing a try (damn you GaryVee), etc. But I rarely do any of those things. Instead, I keep reading books and articles online, I research things to death when I probably won’t even go forward with a purchase of those things, I watch the news when I usually never do that, I plan vacations for the distant future, I start new businesses instead of focusing on the ones I already have, I play cards for hours, I talk on phone calls for too long, I stay up too late and sleep in (I still have the worst sleep habits), and ultimately I just find ways of distracting myself when I know what I should be doing.

So here I am, writing a damn blog post, because I’ve been talking about doing this for far too long.

The quarantine isn’t an ideal way of life, but it is what it is. So we can be upset about it and throw a fit, or we can do something about it. What am I waiting for before I actually start doing something?

I was debt free and nothing changed. Now I’m not debt free again, and I’ve said, “once I’m debt free again, all of this will be easier.” No it won’t. It was the same thing before I sold my house. “Once this house sells, life is going to be insanely amazing!” No, it wasn’t. I sold my house and life was the same. Even when all the stars align, your life is mostly the same as it was before. People (myself included) wait for all the luck in the world to be in their favor, for everything to be handed to them, and they think they’re magically going to change who they are as a person.

It doesn’t work like that.

You have to focus on your daily habits. Your consistent habits are the things that turn you into who you are. For me, I want to create things, I want help other people with my knowledge and skills, and I want to have great health. Just because we are told to stay home, doesn’t mean I can’t prioritize those things. Sure, some people have been workaholics for many years, and this is the first time they’ve gotten a break. They are relaxing, and that’s fine. Everyone knows what they need, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to any of this. We are all still figuring out how life works during a quarantine.

But there are plenty of others who have these big goals and aspirations that they want to accomplish, yet they are just watching Netflix all day and refreshing the news. That’s not helping anyone, and it’s pushing you further away from the life you say you want.

Figure out a simple routine that focuses on your priorities. We all have enough time to do the things we want. We all have different responsibilities, but we all have the same 168 hours per week, and you can think of several people who are crushing it out there. So what’s your excuse?

A basic daily routine for me could include an hour of creative outlet time (writing, photography, painting), an hour of helping others (providing a service like web design, offering private coaching, recording podcasts, producing online courses), and an hour of exercise (walking, bike ride, push-ups, hiking, jump rope). That’s only 3 hours per day. It might sound like a lot, but that still gives me 8 hours to work, 8 hours to sleep, time to eat, get ready, and a few hours of downtime. Of course you can tweak the numbers for your own situation. And if an hour seems too aggressive to start with, just do 15 minutes of each. Hell, do 5 minutes of each. Just get in the habit of doing it daily, and next thing you know, you’ll be so used to it that it would be weird to skip a day.

After writing that, it’s clear I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. I have written basic schedules in my various notepads for years, about how I would structure my perfect day. I think I’ve written about it a few times on this site too. But nothing sticks, because I don’t do it religiously. I’m not religious, but I need to treat this shit like it’s sacred. Nothing gets in the way. Nobody interrupts me. No other plans are too important. No excuses.

But nothing will happen if I spend days and weeks agonizing over the perfect routine. Perfection is an illusion. There’s no perfect schedule, for me, or you, or anyone. I think the issue is that I’ve tried too much, but I haven’t done enough. Stop trying, start doing. You either do or you don’t. There is no more trying.

So in closing, the quarantine life for me is very similar to my normal life. Yes, a lot of stores are closed, yes I’ve skipped all restaurants, yes I’ve missed all the traveling opportunities and all the events, yes I’m inside more than normal. But I can still make the best of my situation. Complaining about why this isn’t fair isn’t going to get me anywhere. I am lucky that I can do my work from anywhere, and I still have some clients sending me work, and I’m still getting online orders… so I have nothing to complain about.

I’m grateful and can’t wait to look back on this pandemic/quarantine/isolation period as one of the best things to ever happened to me. Will you say the same thing? I hope so. Maybe this will be the thing that pushes me out of my comfort zone and gets me to say fuck the fear. What’s the worst that can happen, right? I hope you are safe and healthy, and I hope you use this quarantine time to your advantage.

82 Days Without Alcohol

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Back in the spring of 2000, I got drunk for the first time. I tasted beer a handful of times before then, but I graduated to the next level of alcohol right before I graduated high school.

I still remember bits and pieces of that night. I was in DECA my senior year, along with 15-20 other students. From my point of view, they all belonged to the popular crowd. The cool kids. An elite club that I was definitely not a part of. Except for that night.

Discovering the powers of alcohol

We were in Columbus, Ohio for a business/marketing competition that weekend. One of the many things I do these days is I create and sell shirts, hats, stickers, and other merch to people in the custom car/truck scene. The category of the competition I was competing in was retail merchandising. Weird, I never thought I’d be doing something that’s sort of related to that.

I’m guessing the guys that smuggled the alcohol into the hotel rooms brought it from home, as I’m not sure how else we would have got it. I guess one of the older-looking guys could’ve had a fake ID, but who knows. I certainly wouldn’t have got away with buying illegal alcohol. I was 17 and probably looked like I was 14.

However the alcohol ended up in our rooms, I do remember walking around The Mall at Tuttle Crossing with everyone before the festivities began. A few of us (maybe all of us, minus our teacher) ended up in Spencer’s at one point. I remember a purchase being made there.

Later that night we were drinking out of one of those party helmets that holds a can of beer on both sides. Except we had a bottle of screwdriver on one side and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 on the other. Sounds like gas station royalty.

There was a night club in the fancy hotel we were staying at that we ended up in. It had to be obvious we were drunk kids, but maybe things were more relaxed 19 years ago.

I don’t remember a hangover, but it would’ve had to be present the next day. All I remember is the bus ride home, and everybody asking why I never went to any parties during the past four years. Whether it was true or not, they said I was hilarious, and wild, and fun.

The cool kids thought that hanging out with me was a good time, and that I was funny.

How could this be? I was always shy, and definitely shy once I moved to a new school in 7th grade. During most of my education, I didn’t think anyone noticed me or cared to pay me any attention. I wasn’t depressed or anything, I just didn’t have those crazy high school party years like everyone talks about. It wasn’t until I started driving that dating or really hanging out with people started to become a thing.

People used to always say (I think they still do) that you shouldn’t waste your high school years, because they will be the best years of your life. When I thought about that cliché saying, that’s the only time I’d get sad or mad at myself. “Wow, the rest of my life is gonna be so boring. I’m gonna be a loser. All these kids figured it out and they won. They’re all gonna be rock stars or famous actors or marry supermodels or make millions of dollars. I’ll probably be working at this garden center 30 years from now, maybe Subway, I like their meatball subs. Oh well, maybe in my next life I’ll try harder.”

The shy kid becomes the party guy

Ok, so I got wasted with the cool kids, and then I graduated a month after that. Then it was time to finally decide on this college thing. I’ll write another post about my thoughts on college, but I eventually chose a local 2-year private art school.

The summer in between my educations, and during the college years, my alcohol intake started to increase. I was going to parties more often. And when I graduated college, I was still just 19 years old. A couple years later, I was finally legally allowed to drink this stuff. And it increased more.

Pretty much all of my 20’s was: drinking every weekend with my friends, drinking on vacations with whoever I was dating at the time, going on alcohol-fueled spring break trips, and drinking plenty of times when I’d go out to dinner with people. I think this is a pretty common path for a lot of people.

And when I say drinking, I’m not talking about one beer. I’m talking about binge drinking until I passed out somewhere, wherever. The more we drank, the better the experience… or so I told myself.

Looking back (I’m 36 now), my opinion as to why I drank so much, is because of that first time in high school with the rest of my class. I felt like alcohol was the only variable, so it had to be the reason they all liked me. It was liquid courage, and I quickly became the life of the party. Why would I give that up?

I could easily become friends with anyone in any situation. There was no awkwardness after a few drinks. In a crunch for time and need to get the party started faster? Simple. Just keep the beer in the fridge and upgrade to shots! (Never a good idea.)

Without it, I felt like the shy kid that no one wanted to talk to. When I was drunk though, I was best friends with everyone. People seemed sad if I couldn’t make it to their parties. Every holiday became a drinking extravaganza. Drinking games were the norm. Weeknight drinking became typical. The relationship arguments started to be more common. The hangovers were expected, but you just waste a day eating terrible food and being lazy, then you’re ready to do it all over again.

I felt like it was my way to always feel included. Something I rarely felt growing up. I had a great childhood, and I’m super lucky to have the family and friends I have. I love them all. I enjoy being the introvert and solitude is relaxing to me. But I “had to break out of my shell” after college, and alcohol was part of my personal recipe. It was the main ingredient most of the time.

And when I talk about what people thought of me or how I was viewed, I’m sure most of what I’ve said in this post are just false assumptions, and it was all just in my head. Another great example of how we are usually our own worst enemies.

Had they never made a big deal about me drinking and being fun, or if they shamed me for it and made me feel worse, I wonder if I would’ve had a different outlook on alcohol. I wonder if I would have never drank again after that night. I wonder if I would have been more casual with drinking in my 20’s and 30’s, you know, just a cocktail with dinner, or a couple beers at the game. I wonder if I would have drank even harder. I wonder.

But I’m not really blaming them, that’s just what growing up is like. I know that everything I’ve ever done was my decision. And everything I chose back in the day, I don’t regret it, because that’s what I wanted at the time. And every decision has led me to where I’m at right now, and I love life. I’m glad it all happened the way it did. They were all pieces to my puzzle. It’s how I had to learn.

We all need to take breaks, but is that enough?

So let’s bring this up to speed, after that insanely long intro. It’s January 2019, and a few days ago (1/21/19) was day 82 of no alcohol.

I started writing this on that day, and day 86 just began right now as I’m putting the final touches on this novel of a post. But selecting that specific number wasn’t at random. I was born on 8/2/82 and my web design business is called Eight Deuce, so any chance I get to make a big deal about the number 82, I do. Plus I also deal with procrastination, so that’s why I didn’t put this out Monday like I planned. Anyways…

I’ve done these stints before where I see how long I can go without drinking. I’ve done a month before. I’ve done 50 days before. I forget if I’ve done 100 days, but I know I did 90 days last year.

I stopped in mid-December 2017 and made it all the way to St. Patrick’s Day 2018. I planned this though. I had just moved downtown and I wanted to go out with my friends. I wanted to live this proper city life, which just had to include drinking like an animal. I mean, what better day to get back out there than doing it on this drinking holiday? Well it sucked.

I mean it was a great day/night of partying. Of course I blacked out, which was becoming more and more common. But the next morning was awful. I puked, which I’ve done many times over my alcohol career. I took a video of myself basically lecturing myself about how dumb I was to drink like that.

I even wrote something in my notes app on my phone, explaining how shitty I felt in that moment, hoping I’d read it every time before I was going to drink. This is one of the first times I’ve read it since then. I didn’t plan on sharing it, but here it is, unedited:

“Alcohol is a huge crutch. So many people have no idea what to do without it. It’s the vice of the unconfident. If you can stand up to others and put your ideas and thoughts out into the world without needing alcohol you are one of the brave ones. The weak rely on poison. Be strong. Give in, in moderation, if needed. But there’s never a time when it’s really needed. You went 90 days without alcohol and life was fine. You can do another 90 days. Or maybe 900 or even 9000. But even if it’s only 9, that’s ok too. Do whatever works best for you, even if it’s the occasional drink. But just remember, nothing feels as bad as hugging a toilet and wasting a day or two being hungover. Time is running out and wasting it being wasted is disrespectful. You’ve been given this one amazing life to do everything you’ve ever wished to do. Don’t throw it away like an idiot. You were meant to share your stories and inspire others to be better. If you can’t take care of yourself, then you’re just a hypocrite. You have a lot of life experiences, share them with the world. There’s no shame in having an alcoholic past and a non-alcoholic future. Fuck the haters. You’re not doing it for them. You are the only one who has to live your life 24/7. Be happy with what you see in the mirror.”

After typing all of that out again, I still agree with that. I was proud of myself for going 90 days, and I felt like I threw it away in one night. I definitely cut back on the frequency of my drinking over the past few years, but when I did drink, the quantity was rarely less than overboard.

When I decided to give it up for that 90-day period, it was just to prove it to myself that I could do it. I knew I could if I just made it a priority. So I did, and I did.

This current “let’s see how long I can go without drinking” challenge has no end date in mind. But it was certainly initiated after a shitty night.

What happens in Vegas…

I was in Vegas for the SEMA Show back in October/November. I’ve been out there for this car show the past five years, mainly just to party with my friends. I used to lie to myself and say that I had to be there because I’ve been into that shit forever, and I have a business in that world, but I didn’t have to be there. I work for myself, I don’t have to do anything or be anywhere unless I really want to.

So it was Halloween night and one of my friends was out there for a different event. He was going to this costume party and said I should come through. He explained the event and it sounded epic, I had to go. Good think I packed my costume!

The party was going well. Lots of people, but it was still a relatively small private event, and then we found out it was an open beer. This always sounds like a good thing at the time. It’s never a good thing for people like me.

And then we had a table in the VIP section, which means bottle service (lots of liquor). Another thing that seems badass when you’re there, but always turns into a shit show. Which it did.

There were big name bands and we were right by the stage. It was crazy… for the hour that I remember. The next several hours, I was time traveling (blacked out).

I woke up sometime around 5am, in this empty lobby area of the casino, just outside the club. I was sitting at a table, and no one was in sight. I think I was still drunk.

Anyways, I stood up, still wearing half of my costume, and I reached into my pockets. It’s that thing you do when you wake up after a long night of drinking: make sure you have your keys, your wallet, and your phone. I’ve done this dance hundreds of times.

I didn’t drive to the airport, so I left my keys back in Ohio. So those were safe. I felt my wallet. A sigh of relief. But I searched all of my pockets, and no cell phone. Instant panic attack.

I looked all around the table where I passed out. I looked all over the room I was in. I went back into the club that I thought was closed, but one VIP section was still going strong, likely fueled by all the drugs that move around these places. Still nothing. No phone anywhere.

I took the escalator downstairs and asked the lost and found desk. No one turned my phone in. I went back upstairs in the empty casino area, which seemed more like an abandoned hotel ballroom. I looked everywhere, and the depression was setting in. Plus my hotel was a 90-minute walk from where I was, and I had no way to get an Uber or a Lyft without a phone, and I guess I didn’t want to leave bad enough to drop a bunch of cash on an old school taxi. All of this on top of being dead tired. I didn’t know what else to do.

So I found a quiet corner, laid down, and went back to sleep.

I’m not sure what my plan was. Maybe I’d wake up and miraculously find my phone. Maybe someone turned it in. I guess at a minimum, I’d have more energy after a nap. But I was really hoping I’d just wake up and realize this was all just a bad dream.

Good morning sunshine

Instead I woke up to a security guard nudging me with his foot, explaining that “you can’t sleep on the casino floor.”

Obviously I got right up and explained the situation, but it didn’t matter. After one more quick look around, and another failed attempt at the lost and found, I made the long, early morning walk of shame, from Planet Hollywood back to The D on Fremont Street.

It’s November 1st, and here I am, wearing half my costume, walking down the Vegas Strip, yelling at myself for how stupid I am. I never thought that losing a phone could lead to so much self-hatred. It’s just a phone, but it held a lot of my life inside of it. I think you’d probably be just as pissed. I’m a big advocate for minimalism, and this dumb mistake was making me more angry at how much we value physical things and material objects.

Funny thing, this actually happened just over a month into my social media detox. The last time I posted on my personal Instagram or personal Facebook was near the end of September, and I said I wanted to go the entire month of October without posting on either of them. And I succeeded. I actually deleted the Facebook app from my phone and didn’t reinstall it once. I browsed around Instagram occasionally, and only made a couple posts on my business accounts. But that was totally out of character for me.

I’ll write a whole post about that detox soon, but it was weird to have gone that long without posting anything, and now the device that was commonly used for most of the social postings is missing, actually preventing me from posting.

To make a long story a little shorter, I did everything I could from my laptop back in the hotel room. I tried finding it with the Find My iPhone app, filling out a lost and found report, asking people to call my phone occasionally to see if anyone would answer, etc. Nothing.

I tried to see how long I could go without a cell phone. It was hard, mainly because I didn’t choose this path. I had an old iPhone at home, so I thought, let me just make it 2-3 more days here in Vegas, then I’ll be able to use my old phone once I arrive.

Nope. Couldn’t do it.

I only lasted about 40 hours without a smartphone before I cut my losses and moved on to the next one. I went from a tired iPhone 6 that I had for almost three years, to a brand new shiny iPhone XR.

One of the only things that made all of this better was the fact that I had 99.9% of everything backed up on iCloud. After an hour or so sitting at the Genius Bar in the Apple Store, all of my content had been downloaded and I felt normal again (when you have 30k photos/videos, it takes a minute). I can’t stress it enough, back your shit up.

The 0.01% of content missing from the switch was whatever photos and videos I took that night at the party. I personally don’t remember most of it, and I have nothing documented to remind me. It’s like it never happened. I scroll through my phone now, and there’s exactly 47 hours of nothing between my taco dinner before the party and my celebratory Chipotle dinner after getting my new phone setup. Like I went to sleep for two days and woke up in a new life.

Maybe this is a new life…

And that night was the last time I’ve consumed alcohol. Oh yeah, I also lost money playing poker two nights before that, and I was drinking then too. Alcohol ruined this entire trip. I mean, I did, but it’s because I thought adding alcohol to the mix would have enhanced the experiences, not destroyed them. I always think it will help. Oh well, you live and you learn.

So that’s a crash course on how alcohol affects me. How I fell into it at the end of my high school career, and how 19 years later, I still haven’t learned my lesson. And those are just two stories. I’m sure over time, I will explain plenty more drunken escapades that happened between those two major events.

Although, talking about my failures is never fun. I really hated writing the Vegas story, maybe because it’s still somewhat fresh. I still feel stupid. I’m better than that. But I get caught up in the moment and one drink turns to two which turns to six and leads to my brain going to sleep while my body still has more plans. Maybe someone else will learn something from all of this.

The big question that people keep asking me is: “So when are you gonna drink again??” And of course I have no idea. I don’t have an end date. I told myself I wanted to go at least 100 days. But after I made it two months, I said I should aim for six months. Now that it’s been almost three months, I told myself, “wouldn’t it be cool to say something down the road like, ‘remember 2019, that crazy year when I didn’t drink any alcohol.’ ”

Maybe I’ll make it over a year. Maybe I’ll go forever. Maybe I’ll drink next weekend. I have no idea. But if I was to bet money, I’d say I won’t drink at all this year, and I think there’s a strong chance I’ll never drink again. I really don’t need it in my life. It doesn’t lead to anything positive for me. I don’t run to it when I’m sad or depressed or mad, like others do. I work for myself and don’t have to put myself in situations where I used to always drink. I rarely ever drank alone. So many reasons why it’s probably easier for me to quit than most people, so I’m putting it to the test. I think I can permanently eliminate it from my life, but only time will tell.

If you love beer or wine or mixed drinks or whatever, good for you. I’m not trying to stop anyone from doing what they enjoy. Hell, I’ve been vegan for over two years now, and 99% of the people I interact with don’t eat that way at all. Everyone is free to do whatever they please, it almost never affects me. If you know how to “drink responsibly,” then have at it. Moderation doesn’t work well for me in most areas of my life, I’m more of an all or nothing kind of person. And alcohol certainly falls into that category. I don’t know, maybe I have faulty wiring (I keep saying that phrase after I heard Henry Rollins say it during a couple interviews).

Regardless, I will be continuing this sobriety experiment for the foreseeable future. Feel free to join me if you think you’re ready for a break.

Photo taken in a small random bar, down one of the many alleys in the Red Light District in Amsterdam. September 2018.

7 Years Without a Schedule

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What is getting in the way of you reaching your goals? For me, it’s likely all of these things: alcohol, a schedule, social media, clutter, debt, sleep, exercise, too many projects, perfection, and probably a few more.

I’d bet we have at least one of these things in common. Most of them can be solved by creating better habits, but that’s easier said than done. After looking through that list, it became overwhelming, but I knew I needed to make some changes.

It’s been almost seven years since I’ve had a “real job.” Back then, I had someone telling me what to do on a daily basis. As soon as that ended, I’ve experienced an insane amount of freedom. Waking up without an alarm, doing zero work on some days, traveling whenever I wanted, going out on a Tuesday night if I felt like it. Basically the kid in a candy store mentality.

After awhile, I realized that I’m very inconsistent with my work. Some days it’s 22 hours of work. Some days it’s 5 minutes of work. While the latter seems fun, it has bothered me a lot. And it’s no way to run a business.

I recently watched a video where an entrepreneur I follow (Sam Ovens) is explaining why a schedule is crucial to anyone that wants real success. A strict schedule. And why most of the things you do are a waste of time and just minor distractions that add up. At first I was like, nope, I’m not going back to that shit, it would feel like I was back in a cubicle where someone is watching over me and forcing me to do things. Nope!

But the more I listened, I became more open to the opportunity. I also started to think, ok, I’m not where I want to be, and I’ve tried a lot of things, why not really listen to these people that I admire, and do whatever they say, even if it sounds stupid or ridiculous or difficult?

In his video, he stressed the fact that you need a hardcore schedule and that you need to keep it sacred. No excuses. You setup your daily schedule and you stick with it, every single day. Consistency is key. I really liked the point about keeping it sacred, and I remember writing it down in my notes to remind myself.

I’m not a religious person, but I thought: this could be my religion. Some people go to church every Sunday, at the same place, at the same time. Maybe I could create my own schedule for the type of life I want, and be religious about it on a daily basis (not just Sunday).

A few months went by, and I never did anything about it. But, I did start building new habits for some of the other things in my list of distractions.

  • I’m on day 46 of no alcohol.
  • I signed up for a new gym membership, and after writing some of this post today, I will head straight to the gym, which will be my 9th day in a row.
  • I haven’t posted on my personal Instagram or Facebook in almost 3 months (and I’ve drastically reduced the amount of posts on my business accounts), I removed the Twitter, Snapchat, & Pinterest apps from my phone, and I deleted my LinkedIn account.
  • I’ve been selling a lot of my old junk to remove clutter from my life.
  • I’ve been more focused on paying off the rest of my debt.

Clearly you can see moderation doesn’t work well for me. I have to go all in when I want to do something. All of the things at once.

And just a few days ago, I finally downloaded the Google Calendar app (ok, like the 13th time). But this time I forced myself to setup a daily calendar for myself. Before this, I was always turned off by schedules and I dismissed any advice from anyone trying to tell me to make one. When people brought it up, I just rolled my eyes. I said it wasn’t for me, and I used that statement as some sort of ego or pride thing. Like look at me and how cool I am because I get shit done without needing a prisoner’s schedule blah blah blah.

Obviously that’s a terrible way to think. So this time around, I said, ok, what would a fun life look like for me? Don’t worry about what other people think, don’t worry about what you did in the past. What would make me excited to wake up in the morning tomorrow and get to work? By allowing myself to create my dream life, it turned this painful chore into a fun experiment.

One thing I’ve learned is that successful people plan their way to success. And a lot of them block their time out in chunks. Outside of work, they also keep exercise, sleep, nutrition, and rest as top priorities. And they don’t need to spend 24 hours each day working, they understand that most of those hours would be wasted because they weren’t thinking clearly, or recovering with sleep/rest, or eating right.

So I set off on this journey to create my perfect day, and then just planned to repeat it on a daily basis. This is what I have setup now (and it might change slightly as I figure out what works for me):

  • 6:30am – Wake up, drink water, make my bed, do some pushups
  • 7:00am – Write for an hour
  • 8:30am – Go to the gym or some form of exercise for an hour or so (lift weights, run, bike, basketball, hike)
  • 10:00am – Extremely focused work for four hours
  • 2:00pm – Lunch
  • 3:00pm – Nap
  • 4:00pm – Another focused work session, this time two hours
  • 6:00pm – Go for a walk
  • 7:00pm – Dinner and free time
  • 9:30pm – Read, journal, do some pushups
  • 10:30pm – Go to bed, get 8 hours of high-quality sleep

I’m not sure how you will interpret this schedule. Some people might say it’s insane. Others might say it’s pretty relaxed and that I could work harder. Some might say, “Wow, must be nice!” The whole idea was to turn a boring schedule into an exciting daily habit that works for me. I want to do this Monday-Friday, most of it on Saturdays, and part of it on Sundays. I will try to keep the weekends a little more chill, but I want to write and read and exercise and sleep every day.

When I say work, it could be a lot of different things. Most of it will be personal projects but there will also be some client work in there too. Work could be: web design, podcasting, more writing, marketing, working on my merch business, photography, working on my online courses, editing photos/videos, etc.

And as simple as this might look, for my brain it’s not easy at all. Some days I want to work from the moment I wake up until I pass out at my desk 32 hours later. Other days I’m lazy and can’t seem to get anything done, meanwhile all sorts of things come up that distract me even more than I already am.

Of course you might have a different day than me. I work for myself, so I can set my time each day for whatever I want. This isn’t me bragging, I’m well aware most people have jobs working for someone else, and families, and all sorts of other responsibilities. If you don’t feel in control of your time, I hope one day you can get it back, and I hope that’s a goal you have. I’ve been lucky to have a lot of freedom, and I want it for everyone else. But my abundance of freedom has kept me from reaching my own goals.

For the past 7 years, my life has been extremely inconsistent. And I used to love that. I thrived on the randomness, and it was funny telling other people how I worked and watching them shake their heads at how ridiculous I was. But I realized this was contributing to my procrastination (along with my desire for perfection) and I lacked self-discipline in several areas of my life. So it was time for a change.

I want to force myself to stick with this routine and build these habits. No matter what I do, some people will agree with me, and some people will be shocked. Each of these groups are at the extremes, while most people will be in the middle, or indifferent. These indifferent people don’t care what you’re doing, and they likely aren’t even paying attention. Which means, you should experiment and figure out what works for you, your unique life, and your goals. And not worry about what others are saying or doing (or not doing). If you want something extraordinary, you can’t follow the ordinary path.

In future posts, I will talk about all of the topics that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. But I wanted to talk about the importance of a consistent schedule first, and I’m sure my future self will thank me by starting this sooner rather than later.

Even within the first week of casually adjusting to a scheduled life, I’ve already noticed an increase in productivity, and I feel slightly happier, along with a bit more energy. It’s weird what accomplishing tasks and crossing off things on your to-do list can do for you. But just like going to the gym, you can’t go only once and expect a six pack, you also can’t adopt a new schedule and expect your entire life to change overnight. This is all a long game. You have to stick with it on a daily basis.

Put in the work behind the scenes, then look in the mirror every month or two, not every hour. If you are looking in the mirror every day, you won’t see the minor changes, and you’ll get down on yourself, and you’ll give up. It’s like when you don’t see a friend for months or years, and they say wow you look great! If you saw this friend every day, they wouldn’t notice your changes either. Your progress is so small and incremental that you could only see the results by watching a time-lapse of yourself.

Moral of the story: create you perfect day, prioritize self-care, do the work, block out distractions, and keep all of this consistent & sacred. Life will always happen, things come up, but the majority of the time, you should be able to decide how you spend your time. It’s time to regain control and live a life with more freedom!